Song Lyrics from "You Were But a Ghost in my Arms," by Agalloch
Name: No One
Age: 20
Monday, July 18, 2011@ 10:24 p.m.
And rrrrrrrrejected.
Boy do I feel like shit.
Monday, July 18, 2011@ 11:42 a.m.
Your brain starts to take an alternate course when you rip its IV out No more selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors
My loins throb and act like an antennae for the shocks going through my body Touch touch touch me, my skin is on fire
I was wedded and it wetted my thirst
If there is another accidental grazing I fear I will explode supernova Tonight I will get you alone and ask to see you Alone
Every touch from every body sends me into convulsions, fits and sputters of gasps and moans
My stomach is in knots The average citizen does not react well to my heat Are we not all sexual beings?
Sunday, July 17, 2011@ 11:13 p.m.
My lip brushed against the tip of your ear Skin cool, air cool, face flushed Had you better hearing, perhaps this contact would not be But I savor it for all that it is worth
Monday, April 18, 2011@ 06:54 p.m.
What the hell am I supposed to do now?
I hate this structureless limbo between school and employment. I'm waiting on jobs, still studying for one exam, but have no money to go out. I want to fuck and orgasm and my body isn't designed to orgasm and my boyfriend isn't designed to fuck me.
We're in the same goddamn room and it's like he can barely bring himself to touch me. It's disgraceful.
Why does everyone BUT my boyfriend want to fuck me?
Sunday, December 12, 2010@ 02:36 a.m.
I am feeling so..
unmedicated
But I am
I am medicated
I shouldn't want to cry at happy photos or pictures of musicians getting to be musicians I want that life but I feel that it won't happen..
I've also grown a deeply rooted infatuation with a person. Someone successful, beautiful, creative, established, and and and.. it's almost unbearable, the attraction I feel towards them. It is not an attainable thing. Sit in your office, my narrows are soaking, I'll nod my head to your advice
I am a creature of sexual intensity
Let me be your spark
Tuesday, October 12, 2010@ 11:12 p.m.
Music: Berg - Schlafend tragt man mich
I am still a coward.. content to see my garden grow so sweet and full of someone else's flowers.
I have a relationship worth pushing through the problems.
Just because he doesn't love me the way I want to be loved, doesn't mean that he isn't loving me with all he has.
I love you, Daddy.
I love you, baby boy.
Friday, October 1, 2010@ 01:48 a.m.
Whose is the hand that I will hold? Whose is the face I will see? Whose is the name that I will call when I am called to meet thee?
He loved me just like a little child
Little child loves little lamb
I will not stand to be an obligation to you. I will make my own fun, I will not count you in my life if you make me feel so low. I will tell you tomorrow.
I deserve to not hurt.. Don't I?
La la la laaaa
I love you but if you feel this way your love is poison to me.
Can you even call it love?
If you take no joy in seeing me, because I "don't give you the chance" to want to see me? BY ASKING YOU TO SPEND TIME WITH ME EVERY 2 OR 3 DAYS?
Jesus. I'm sorry if I want to feel your skin, smell your hair, and breathe you in on a semi-regular basis. I love you. You're supposed to be mine.
I will not initiate contact. It is unwanted. I know that and it hurts. It stings. So much rejection from someone I want and love so much.
I have given up my other lovers. By choice. I don't want them when you're around. You're not being around.
I need arms to lie in.
What do you need?
Friday, August 13, 2010@ 09:48 a.m.
I love picking up my clothes and smelling him on them.. the scent of spice and cigarettes and his love.
I hate feeling all crazy sentimental, but he does it to me. And I don't hate it anymore.
Sunday, March 7, 2010@ 04:58 a.m.
My bed smells not like sex..
But my boyfriend's sex
I can't believe I have a boyfriend
I hope he doesn't regret me
Ever feel that's the only thing you have to offer someone?
Regret?
So much has happened
(Nothing has happened.)
Nothing?
Yes, ma'am, that's your name.
Sunday, January 31, 2010@ 10:05 p.m.
David Bowie is making my life a little brighter
It's a small spark in a big universe
Sunday, January 24, 2010@ 05:45 p.m.
Fuck me until I don't remember my name
just
ugh
Sunday, January 24, 2010@ 01:14 a.m.
tears, bones, and desire
That's all I am right now
I think I do have meaningful connections,
but goddammit my relationships with people are fucked
Mark is my slave, and my best friend. There is no sex in our relationship, only sadomasochism and dominance. He's actually great, and we have had a good friendship for a very long time, but like.. we are also in a BDSM relationship? what the fuck how did that even HAPPEN
Adam I feel I could tell anything to, and just curl in his lap and exist, but we end up having bad sex together.
Andrew and I went on a 9 hour coffee date, followed by a date at the martini bar and some Domme/sub play, but he lives in Rochester and is new to everything. I've committed to staying away from virgins.
Daddy is supposed to be a Dom to me but is either busy or has lost interest. That's really too bad because he gave me the most beautiful bruises. The fact that I even have a Daddy is FUCKED.
J has the biggest cock I've ever seen, and we've fucked brilliantly two times, but he goes weeks without saying a word to me.
I miss being the single object of affection. This is true for even my slave, who I've allowed to see other people (although not as Mistress or Domme.)
I used to make boys swoon, but I was only learning the art of seduction and didn't sense their interest, or at least didn't know what to do with it.
I know I can get an attractive guy,
but how do I get an attractive guy with a big cock, willingness to serve, willingness to dominate, and who only wants me on an emotional and sexual level?
Now, that
is fucked
Sunday, January 3, 2010@ 12:13 a.m.
New Year's was.. interesting
Kissed Colin at midnight
he just looked so good with that little newspaper boy hat, fingerless gloves, scarf, and pea coat.. mm we kissed for like, ever. Fun!
I also kept hitting on Drew's boyfriend. Oh dear me. No wonder girls don't like me!
Went to the "kink" aka Jenga party afterwards..
Daddy had to look after his sick girlfriend (open relationship), so we only had a little time for me to suck on his big cock in the kitchen.. I'm seeing him on Wednesday for some alone time. So excited!!
I also am excited about my pretty pets. I have two, one more accessible than the other since he has his own place, but I'm looking forward to exploring my Dominant side with them. I feel like I need more gear to make their experience pleasurable..
hmm
Tomorrow being picked up my a fwb,
the next day a crossd resser from Rochester
Havin' a time
Wednesday, December 30, 2009@ 11:52 p.m.
I smoked a pipe with a co-worker IT WAS AWESOME
Belt notches currently at 5. We'll see where/with whom I'll end up on New Year's Eve!
Going to the comedy club with Drew, George, Colin, and Mark. I have the most fabulous dress and shoes combo. Afterwards, going to a kinky party.. my Daddy will be there (:
I love getting
drunk
high
fucked
bruised
I am munching the fuck outtt!
Sunday, December 20, 2009@ 09:24 p.m.
Patrick Wolf makes me feel like life is awfully dark..
Sometimes I see a ray of light creeping through, but the retraction..
receding..
I wish happiness wasn't such a tease
This year has been.. tumultuous, to say the least
A break up from a four year relationship..
I can't believe I was engaged
Turned to alcohol and sex
Left with bruised neck, breasts, and liver
Am I any better?
I don't know
I'm gonna play it cool, and not get my hopes up for the new year
Sometimes I wish I was beautiful
Saturday, December 19, 2009@ 05:26 p.m.
Desire, you are not the maker of me!
And so I expand my belt notches to three
Nancy's birthday was a state
Got drunk at her house off of rye, liqueur, and wine. I thought I would be fine since I was eating a big lamb dinner, but no dice..
The food was delicious, and so was the company apparently.
I met a beautiful man named Rhyder, one of the birthday lady's best friends, and we REALLY got along. I don't remember, but apparently there was a lot of kissing on my part..
Apparently at the bar I sucked on a woman's fingers and liked it
Was your work of art so heavy that it would not let you live?
Sunday, December 13, 2009@ 01:49 a.m.
Why don't I date virgin boys?
OH YEAH
Cause they keep saying no Why am I so hard to fuck?
Friday, November 27, 2009@ 06:26 p.m.
Hahahahaha
You know what's hilarious?
Being told that the guy you're dating "isn't seeing you anymore," and you're "not his type"..
BY THE OTHER GIRL HE'S DATING
Hahaha
I'm sorry
I'm just
Cracking up here
Luckiest girl on the planet?
Absolutely
Wednesday, November 25, 2009@ 10:21 p.m.
Mummy says I'm not well enough for a bath
She says my fever is too high
And it would be dangerous
Numero uno hypothesis?
Too much kissing = sick
I wanted to take Engy out for dinner
A nice little lunch date with new mummy
I feel very D lately.. not so much s
Methinks he has other girls vying for his affections,
cuter girls no doubt,
But mummy can take care of anyone
Monday, November 23, 2009@ 08:07 p.m.
Driver called. I was very nervous. I told him I'd call him back..
will I?
Went over to a friend's house yesterday,
left with bruises and teethmarks
but felt unsatisfied.
...
what am I looking for?
Sunday, November 22, 2009@ 12:50 a.m.
My friend David and I went to a Monte Carlo themed fundraiser. I watched him play blackjack and I lost all my "money" for charity. We dressed up and looked fabulous.
He called his father's driver, who picked us up and dropped us off in a BMW. He was being extremely flirtatious, so I asked him if I could give him my number. He's thirty seven. I should hope he doesn't call. I don't think I could pass up the proposal of a sugar daddy. However, I think it may be part of his job to be flirty with the female clients.
I was thinking about the fabulous lips of the Irish man. His name is Dave. I know his full name, but I didn't have anything to get his number with. He's staying with a friend in Paradise. I'm wondering if I can find him again.
I'll keep my ear out for an Irish tune downtown.
Being single is a lot of fun, but I am feeling lonely. Engy and I came so close to having sex. It came down to, "If you ask me, I can't say no."
No condom, no dice.
But he did taste wonderful.
Sunday, November 15, 2009@ 03:25 a.m.
The ten years didn't seem ten year,
Which is a bad thing.
You live ten years longer than me, I expect ten years of "I lived my life to the fullest and am rich emotionally and intellectually"
I had an insane insane insane night downtown
I kissed a beautiful lady and she kissed back and I danced all night and was more drunk and happy than in forever
I met Engy there and kissed him drunkenly..
bad idea? we'll see
I'm seeing him again tomorrow
Thursday, November 12, 2009@ 10:46 p.m.
I've been terribly social these past few days.
It'll be in better in the end, because if it's not better, it's not the end.
I didn't go to Adam's, but I did study with a friend, David, for our mutual midterm. We booked a study room and spent three hours having fabulous gossip time and studying. Then we got pizza and made a quick stop to the music lounge.
I met a boy today for the first time. I'll call him Engy. We met up in the university center, then went for a coffee.
He bought a double double..
They put too much cream in it.
He's really very attractive. He was easy to talk to, and funny, and very smart. I'll be seeing him downtown tomorrow night.
Coffee with someone else tomorrow..
Someone ten years my senior
We'll see how that pans out
I am feeling hopeful.
It feels like the end may be near..
Because things are getting better
Sunday, November 8, 2009@ 09:15 p.m.
I met up with Devin at the coffee shop and we saw a movie.
Jeff and Laura were at the mall. Terrible timing, terrible sight.
Why not me for mine?
I'm going to Adam's on Tuesday. I need some human contact. I hope he kisses me. He's an attractive boy. We'll see.
I'm looking for only contact.
Not meaning or commitment.
Just..
Comfort
Saturday, October 31, 2009@ 09:45 p.m.
It is unrealistic, I think, And harmful But I want to put the ring on a chain and wear it on my neck
I want to keep it safe and near my heart so that
When I grow up, and am ready for my permanent life
And not this fickle, flitting thing now
We will start over, and fall in love, and he will know the real me
And he will love me the way I loved him for so long
There will be a warm heart waiting for you
Friday, October 30, 2009@ 11:42 p.m.
I haven't taken off the promise/engagement ring he gave me since we broke up.
He told me to take it home and get rid of it. How could I? It's a promise I wanted to keep so bad.
I'm not ready to let go of it.
Friday, October 30, 2009@ 12:29 a.m.
He let me hold his hand and hug him. I felt so happy and sad. Hot and cold.
I decided that even though it will be painful, it's better for us to be just friends than to never see him. I don't think I could handle that. I just really hate it when he talks about Laura, or seeing her stuff in his bedroom when I feel it should be mine.
I'll wait for him. I feel like he's the only person that could actually know the real me and still have feelings for me.
After all, I'm fairly awful.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009@ 07:31 a.m.
I just want to die
I love you so much Please don't abandon me Please hold my hand and let me cry
You wouldn't let me be with you The best night of my life was your moment of regret
Oh gods, they burn
Monday, October 26, 2009@ 02:33 a.m.
Reading through these makes me remember being in love with him. It also makes me realize that I no longer am.
This is so painful.
Saturday, October 24, 2009@ 08:53 a.m.
Oh to be the leaf,
fell,
Green and coated with frost
A youth, wrapped in bitterness,
On the sidewalk
Lost
I saw that, today, and wanted nothing more than to wear my own coat of cold and roll into the ditch. I didn't want to come out. I wanted to sleep and not wake up.
I don't know why I write that in the past tense.
My chest is tight and I can't breathe and my stomach is falling falling falling
I don't know how much more I can take
..My heart hurts
Friday, October 16, 2009@ 12:40 a.m.
I asked her to dance, she asked me to die Would that I could, Lily, would that I could
I want to try on a whole new flavor I wish to be a quark
I have an orange wig Maybe I can live as some other soul for just a moment or two
I'm confused and happy and sad and in love and there we come again to confused
Saturday, April 11, 2009@ 12:06 a.m.
I'm horrible. I hate myself. I've done something terrible and I can't forgive myself, let alone expect forgiveness.
Here's to welcoming a clean life.
Sunday, March 22, 2009@ 11:25 p.m.
I wanna do bad things to you Real bad things to you
I feel scandalous
Today I wore a menage of sexy underthings and heels
It felt good
Saturday, March 21, 2009@ 01:54 a.m.
I know I'm being bad, but it doesn't stop this hot bloom in the pit of my stomach.
Give me your sex.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009@ 09:06 p.m.
Things have changed. It's been a long time since I've come to tell you stories.
My dream was renewed this summer, and I am now living my dream in a music-drenched soundscape.
My heart is filled with swirling somethings, of the like that I cannot describe.
I am restless and seasoned and longing to be new and young in the world again.
Sunday, January 27, 2008@ 01:37 a.m.
Music: Iron and Wine - Innocent Bones/Iron and Wine - Resurrection Fern
Its story time between you and I
I talked about the little baby I will bear one day
Maybe he will have your eyes or your lips
We will live like our ghosts will live
I just well all up when I talk of you and me for the rest of ever
You're too good to be true
Just to remind the world..
I'm so full of love right now, both incoming and outgoing
I'm like someone's workload in their low-wage office job
Friday, August 24, 2007@ 01:00 a.m.
Music: Joanna Newsom - Sadie
And all that I know
is blowing like tumbleweed
I don't know what I'm doing here on Earth.
Perhaps I should take a flight away for a while, eh, old buddy?
Pluck on these little strings a little longer and I'm bound to falter, there.
It'd feel good to be a rose, because now I'd be shriveling up and sleeping tight beneath winter's cold and warm.
If I had the body of a showgirl..
Hmm.
I'm making myself sick. Haven't eaten in over 12 hours. Making that 24 tomorrow. Then, 300 calories a day. Need to lose 30 pounds. Need to be sick and frail and not worry about people because people worry about me.
What are we going to do with me?
Friday, August 10, 2007@ 11:35 p.m.
I am so in love with this man. He makes my heart flutter, and no matter what task I'm supposed to concentrate on, he keeps invading my thoughts and making me wear a secret smile. Although, really, it doesn't stay much of a secret for long.
One doesn't quite know that they're in love until they are willing to do positively anything for that person. I am currently in such a position.
I want to see him every moment of the day, share every meal and snore with him. We are both so very lucky to share the condition of snoring.
I want to be able to just lie in his arms, and listen to the soft rise and fall of his breathing. We become synchronized shortly after, to keep our bodies pressed together at all times. I want our skin, bared and brazen, to melt together at all times.
Ah, I love you.
Monday, July 16, 2007@ 02:11 a.m.
I would just like to be fucked right now, thank you very much.
I wish I could've made you cum instead of abandoning you and I wish you could've made me cum instead of sleeping and I wish we could've fucked the whole day.
Oh, you are my cemetery leaf
You brought me hope and I brought you social relief
You kissed my childish cheek when we were younger
A very adult tear fell on my shoulder
And oh
You are buried beneath a maple tree in my mind
Where I keep all the good people and others of your kind
I thought I'd lay a flower on your grave
But a leaf fell from the heavens and crowned you a king
The concrete leaf that rests upon my shoulder is you
And even though I saw your death I think you saw mine too
That chrome, veined life form won't crumple away
It keeps you alive for another day
That's your song. You'll never read it and never hear it. Never appreciate it. Well, you saw me sad, and that's all that matters to you, eh?
Sometimes, I feel like he doesn't love me anymore. That I'm a nuisance. That's a horrible thing to feel! I wish he would call me just to see how I'm doing, instead of acting annoyed when I call him to tell him I miss him and want to see him. He doesn't answer my PM's anymore. I need to know he loves me. I won't just assume.
I feel discarded by the world, and my love.
I'm complicated and lonely and sad sad sad.
I feel like the saddest girl in the world right now.
Saturday, May 5, 2007@ 11:17 p.m.
I just want to recycle every day, every feeling, every love. If I could recycle my joy, wouldn't I be just set? Although, it might be a bit itchy.
Each day, when I come home and release the daily burden from my back, I want to sit down and feel fine. Hear the grooves, feel the grooves, drink the groove. Just give me a cold one, I say, and then every thing's light and fizzy and far far far away.
Being an ugly, slightly over-weight, over-achieving adolescent with a boyfriend that's too good for her is a tough job.
Souvent, je pense que ma vie est trop...dramatique. Mais, puis, je me souviens que c'est juste mon cerveau. C'est un cerveau d'une personne fou. C'est moi.
The sex today was rough but it was passionate. I think I'll be sore for a while. I feel free when he's inside me. I usually feel..caged, and unfulfilled.
Friday, May 4, 2007@ 03:20 p.m.
Music: Bathory - Song to Hall Up High/Bathory - One Rode to Asa Bay
I chopped off most of my hair. Its almost back to its natural color since the first time in six years. I want to chop it ALL off, short and choppy choppy choppy.
Leave me alone. Why can't you understand I won't to see your victory all day, every day? You know I'm bitter; I'm a sore loser. And I really, really didn't want to lose this.
I want a drink and a cigarette. A big, tall, thick Weißbier and a thick Marlboro.
I think, mostly though, I just want to get fucking drunk, cry, talk to Templeton, and pass out and sleep for the rest of my life.
See you later.
Monday, April 23, 2007@ 10:31 p.m.
Music:
The Sounds of Silence
I just want to cry. I just want to fucking cry all the time.
What a love load to have off one's chest!
Its almost like.. rejuvenation.
Monday, April 23, 2007@ 04:54 p.m.
Music: Leonard Cohen - Chelsea Hotel
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!
You stupid, stupid girl. You've ruined everything.
I'd like to say I don't need you, but honestly honestly honestly...
I do need you!!!
You, young man, are like my most trusted lifeline. You are were always there for me, no matter what. I want to be able to tell you anything and everything again.
I don't like it. How she can come out of fucking nowhere, and all of a sudden she's ahead of me. What happened to our years of friendship? Doesn't that count for anything?
What happened to you and me??
I hate her so much. How goddamn beautiful she is, how slender she is, how much you love her. You were drunk, I was drunk, you told me that you loved her. Really loved her.
Its like you punched me in the fucking stomach. Gone. The wind in me was just gone.
We were a team, y'know? We were above everyone else's bullshit. We were pretentious and elitist together, musical together, in love with life together. Now you're the only one in love with it, because, frankly, life isn't as fun without us being a team.
She says I have someone else, but she's not looking at it in the same way. It was me and you, and and I, and we always got to be together. As soon as we got out of class, we'd find each other, and hang out. Now, tis you two. I don't want to interrupt your little fucking love nest so I keep away.
Goddammit, why did it have to be her? She was becoming my good friend. You are still my best friend, even though I'm not yours anymore. I feel like I've lost a part of me. This is disgusting.
I thought I heard a fairy flute..
Fa la la la la la la
Tuesday, April 17, 2007@ 06:16 p.m.
Music: Regina Spektor - Chemo Limo
They found a body Sunday.
Today, they determined that it was his.
I don't know what to say to her.
I didn't really know what to say to her anyway..
She sort of broke my heart, you know?
Being #3 always feels odd and uncomfortable.
Sometimes the Atlantic ocean seems to stretch for light years.
Death is scary. A body in the forest, a funeral soon. It will be first one.
How do I face her?
Sunday, April 15, 2007@ 01:52 p.m.
Music: Cast of 2004 Phantom of the Opera - Masquerade
Did you know that I miss you!
Really really miss you! And we can breathe at last
We will never be the same, you know? You're not mine anymore.
I don't know what to feel about anything anymore.
I wish I had a harp. I wish I had a singing partner. I wish I could feel.. HAPPY!!!!!
WHERE ARE YOU!
Dear my life,
dance with me! get off your lazy bum and find me some smiles!
I'm serious. I'm laughing and I'm giggly with absolutely no joy! NO JOY!
I'll have a warm heart waiting for you
Go now! Go now, and leave me!
I've never felt so utterly cold.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005@ 09:51 p.m.
First kiss on a winter solstice.
Sunday, December 18, 2005@ 04:56 p.m.
Music: Vinterland - A Castle So Crystal Clear
Brilliant. Vinterland, you are 100% magnificent. I bet Stephen thinks you're generic. Well, Stephen is generic.
Here come the physical needs, wants, and desires. I've been without them for a very long time. As long as I ever have, anyway. They are almost foreign now, but are not unwelcome. I just hope desires will be met.
I fear sexual frustration will soon accompany the re-awakening of these wants. Oh dear.
Saturday, December 17, 2005@ 04:00 p.m.
Music: <
Feist - Mushaboom
This is genuine. This is fucking genuine.
Honestly. This is the first time I can feel myself falling in love. My stomach is knotting like I'm free falling from the sky.
This is lovely. This is love.
Sunday, December 4, 2005@ 03:34 p.m.
Music: Trans-Siberian Orchestra - The Lost Christmas Eve/Trans Siberian Orchestra - Christmas Dreams
This is kind of beautiful. I'm stupid because I thought this band was an orchestra from Siberia.
Apparently the music co-ordinater is mad at me for not being at practices, even though my name hasn't been posted for a single fucking scene in Act II. Oh wait, Stephen says its the dance teacher who is mad at me. Well then. She's a bitch anyway.
I wish I had more money for Christmas. I have my family of five to buy for, plus three others, and then Nancy's birthday gift, too.
Dark moody Christmas music is kind of awesome. Add by kind of I mean very.
I'm almost in love with you. Vraiment.
Friday, December 2, 2005@ 09:56 p.m.
Music: Ildjarn - Svarte Hjerter
This music is perfectly cold. The vocals are delicious.
Tomorrow, I'm sleeping at Nancy's and going to the Scum Tribe Show. It shall be fun. After all, David Butler, the best punk vocalist in the province, will be playing. Fucking love that boy('s vocals.)
There's a man in my house who's sneezing and its really fucking loud and making me want to smash someone's face. He's actually a Cuban drug lord. With braces.
I'm completely lost. I don't remember the last time I've been more interested in a person than them in me. Its...terrifying. I don't know if they're interested me in all. We're friends. He's wonderful. I'm smitten. How does this work out? Oh, curse you, shy boys! How will us girls ever know how you feel besides those shy flickerings of your gray eyes and the awkward way you bump into our sentences?
There will be more pretend-dates, more maybe-this-times. When will this become real?
Friday, November 25, 2005@ 11:17 p.m.
Music: Neutral Milk Hotel - Communist Daughter/Neutral Milk Hotel - Oh Comely
I don't know what to do about him. I really don't. I want to be with him, I want to see him, and hear his voice as often as I can.
Semen stains the mountain tops
I wish he would ask me about it. How convenient that would be.
He likes me. But as a friend, I think. Oh, please just let me know. Please. Please.
And one day in New York City..
Let's see Rent together. It'll be cool. Touch me a little, would you?
Let's get together some time soon. Its almost been a week. Phone me? You have my number.
Ah.
Thursday, November 24, 2005@ 01:01 p.m.
Music: Neutral Milk Hotel - King of Carrot Flowers, part i/Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea/Neutral Milk Hotel - Two Headed Boy
I feel like I'm in love and its wonderful
Let me hold it close and keep it here with me
I've been so happy lately. I can't describe it as anything but genuine happiness. Oh, gods. He's wonderful.
I had pleasant day dreams during History class about tongues and sighs and moans and sweat and love. It was tempting and beautiful and sad.
I am listening to hear where you are
How do you know if someone returns your feelings? How do you know if someone knows how you feel about them?
We will take off our clothes and they'll be placing fingers through the knotches in your spine
Its been a long time since I've been this excited about someone, or something. Imagine if he thought the same. Oh gods, let him think the same of me.
Two-headed boy, there's no reason to grieve.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005@ 03:37 p.m.
Music: Yoko Kanno - Break Out - Cantabile/Joe Hiashi - One Summer's Day
Anime and game music is starting to become my favorite. Well, not really, only when I'm in the mood for it. Agalloch, Bathory, and Absu are still my favorite bands, I swear!
I'm in the mood to have a Zelda marathon, like my old Paper Mario marathons. You make a whole bunch of food, hook up the games in your bedroom, and play the whole fucking day. Sounds beautiful, doesn't it?
I lost my memory card with all my Suikoden and Final Fantasy 9 data on it. I'm heartbroken. I only realized it when-- OHSHIT, I didn't finish Suikoden IV, I'll have to do it all over again!! Bah. Well, I meant I only realized it when I went to play Final Fantasy VII. Oh, and there's an emulator on my computer now, so I can play Final Fantasy III and II again.
I think that..just maybe, I'm becoming a geek again. I need someone's metal guidance.
Monday, October 10, 2005@ 12:09 a.m.
Well, I've reformatted slightly with my limited knowledge of HTML, independant of Soo/Heather.
Its October, and I'm fifteen and sensible enough to refrain from saying things such as "stupid humans" and the like. Entries may be here and there.
Tuesday, December 16, 2003@ 09:59 p.m.
SNOW DAY!!!!!
......
*ahem* Well, we had a day off of school today because of the weather. I slept in until ten o'clock, then went to the hopsital again and got my medication. Yay! Pills! Well, I may be gone for a while. My computer is bugged out, and I want to save it, so I may have to abandon it for a week or two...
Monday, December 8, 2003@ 03:47 p.m.
This morning I got up and was brought to the hospital to see the psychiatrist. Like the family doctor, she said I have major depressive disorder, and medication is pretty much necessary. And, for some weird reason, she also thinks I may have an aggressive obsession that could be a compulsive disorder. All this is making me nervous...
Wednesday, December 3, 2003@ 03:33 p.m.
Last night was horrible. My doctor said on Monday that if anything should happen between that appointment and the one I have on Thursday, to go to the emergency room. While I was shaving my legs, I went in this...trance kind of thing, and I started having these strange impulses...and when I realized what I was doing, I had all these cuts on my leg and my arm, near my wrist. There was blood running, and I...just licked it up. I got out of the shower, went to flute lessons, then told my mom what happened. And then...she took me to the emergency room.
I have my doctor's appointment tomorrow, and I'll see the psychiatrist on Monday. At least there's a small bit of hope now...I hope they make me better.
